Monday, 25 July 2011

Australian Shit Cricket Team

Jables: When the fuck are the Australian cricket selectors going to work out that selecting a shit squad won't win you anything?  What am I ranting about I hear you ask.  Well the the Australian squad for the upcoming tour of Sri Lanka of course.  But it's still footy season, you cry.  Yes, yes it is you fucking smart arse.

Anyway here is the team:
Test squad to tour Sri Lanka

Michael Clarke, Captain (30, NSW)
Shane Watson, Vice-captain (30  NSW)
Michael Beer (27, WA)
Trent Copeland (25,  NSW)
Brad Haddin (33, NSW)
Ryan Harris  (31, Qld)
Phillip Hughes  (22, NSW)
Michael Hussey  (36, WA)
Mitchell Johnson (29, WA)
Usman Khawaja  (24, NSW)
Nathan Lyon  (23, SA)
Shaun Marsh (28,  WA)
James Pattinson  (21, Vic)
Ricky Ponting (36, Tas)
Peter Siddle  (26, Vic)
We'll look past the fact that there are 6 NSW players in a squad of 15 and go straight to the burning issue that has plagued our national team for all too long.  Old bastards still in the side.  Hussey and Haddin.  How the heck do they still get a gig in front of better young players?  Paine anyone?  Not to mention they have picked shit house players like Siddle and Harris (also an old bastard).

Quantom: Firstly;

Damn right it's shit. NSW, a state who recently has won titles including fuck and all, manage to be the most represented. States like Victoria, South Australia and of course Tassie keep getting screwed when they have been much more successful. Also I would like to complain about the omission of Ben Hilfenhaus. Why is the Hilf missing? Last time I checked the entire bowling line up was shit during the Ashes. Siddle is shit. Harris will be lucky to be able to walk after one test match. And Mitchell Johnson. Fuck you. Get a new hair cut. At the very least though, at least Pattinson and Copeland are getting a run. Damn the spin stocks look shit though. Also SO DAMN OLD. Leaving Marshy to get back into the team when he's old. Well fuck me dead, why not chuck Brad Hodge in too.

Hilfy has been screwed over by the selectors and unfortunately has lost form due to not being played and getting injured.  Doherty also has been screwed over yet again.  After having to carry the drinks for too long while Steve fucking Smith gets a gig ahead of him and now the selectors are saying Smith isn't ready.  Well fuck me!  I know who is ready.  FUCKING DOHERTY!!!

They might as well bring this guy back if they are going to keep Harris in there:

Mick Lewis was the first bowler to break a century in an ODI. Yet I would prefer him to some of the muppets running around at the moment. Brad Haddin, do the right thing and STEP ASIDE for Tim Paine. The future of Australian cricket depends on it. Every shit innings of 23 runs you make is time Painey could spend developing. He is a better gloveman than you already. 

Also, what happened to that tough edge we used to have? God help us as we now have the two most metrosexual cricketers of ALL TIME as captain and vice-captain. Punter truly is last of the tough nuts. Punter used to get into brawls and cop a few black eyes after being at the Cas. All Clarke wants to do is have arguments with his super model girlfriends. We need to bring back the toughnuts. Get angry. Not shit chirp angry like Mitchell Johnson, let's fucking scare people. Bring back the biff:


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