Friday, 19 August 2011

Terrible Movies of the Future

Following on from what we talked about in Shittywood.  Yet another terrible movie sequel is on the way.

I didn't think it would be possible for someone to think it would be a good idea to make a sequel to Ghost Rider but apparently someone had the bright idea a few months back and now we have a trailer for Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence.  Terrible title and terrible trailer.  The effects look even worse than the original.

I really don't know how Nicolas Cage continues to be employed.  What happened to the guy that won an Oscar back in 95?  I think it's safe to say that he just went after the money.

Also, having 2 directors on a movie is just about a sure thing that it'll be turdalicious.

Other shit movies to not take note of are Battleships! (loosely based on the Hasbro game) and Johnny English Reborn (they are probably hoping that no one remembers the first one).

Wednesday, 27 July 2011


Quantom: By Shittywood, we are of course talking about Hollywood. That is, Hollywood has become shitty. There are so few movies that I am even interested in coming out. In fact I haven't been to the movies in months. I'm sitting here seeing all these trailers on the TV and what I see is: comic book movies, remakes and sequels. Green Lantern looks like the biggest pile of shit I have ever seen. I got offered a free ticket and thought "fuck this shit, it is literally not worth my time." The graphics honestly look like some nerd did it in 3D studio max or whatever it's called. The Hangover 2 was pretty much The Hangover set in Thailand. Like the exact same fucking plot. Total Recall is being remade, and you can be DAMN sure it won't feature three boob chick!

Let's list some shit movies that are coming out:
  • Green Lantern
  • Captain America (Jesus how many fucking Avengers movies do we need?)
  • A fucking Glee movie
  • Some Jason Statham movie where he is the exact same character
  • Ugh some other 3D shit coming out ugh
Jables: 3D has got to be the worst Hollywood gimmick ever.  About 80% of the movies aren't truly 3D anyway and have it added in later in post production.  The 3D in Avatar was amazing but that was simply because they actually created a 3D camera to shoot the damn thing.  Unfortunately Hollywood knows people are stupid and will pay through the nose for crap.

Mrs Shittywood with all your money.  Idiots.
Which leads to my next gripe about Hollywood and that is extremely fucking shit sequels, reboots, comic book movies etc where they don't have to use an original idea ever and just rehash the same old turd over and over again just because stupid people continue to fork out their hard earned cash for it.  You only have to look at the top 10 highest grossing flicks of all time:
1 Avatar
2 Titanic
3 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
4 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
5 Toy Story 3
6 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
7 Alice in Wonderland (2010)
8 The Dark Knight
9 Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
10 Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Only 2 of those films are original to a degree.  Titanic is based on real events but the story is original.  Avatar (arguably a re-imagining of Fern Gully or Pocahontas) but still originalish.  The rest are sequels, book adaptions or a comic book movie.  It's no wonder that Hollywood keeps spitting out shitty sequels and comic book movies when people pay to see them.  Seriously, the Pirate of the Caribbean movies are complete arse (the first one was good fun but that is it) and 2 of them are in the top 10.  WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE!

I literally do not know one person who saw the latest Pirates movie. Which says to me, where and who are you people? Alice in Wonderland? Really? Fuck I can't believe I actually contributed $15 to that pile of poop.

And is it any wonder we have 5 Fast and Furious movies, a million Saw flicks, reboots of Spiderman (12 years after the original) and a dadillion comic book movies coming out.  People are stupid and will accept pieces of shit for entertainment and Hollywood just rake in the dough.

I think South Park has said it best. Remember that episode where Cartman plays a robot, and Hollywood execs use him to come up with movie ideas? Yeah that's pretty accurate. "Adam Sandler...inherits a million dollars..." "Rob a carrot!" Also I'm so sick of comic book movies. Most of them are cheap and don't even try. Hey remember that Incredible Hulk movie? Nope me either. Remember Spiderman 3? I know it had that guy from Ned and Stacy. Sweet. Not.

Fucking Incredible Hulk.  A reboot for a movie that was only 5 years old.  Fuck me.  Don't get me started on reboots.

Monday, 25 July 2011

Australian Shit Cricket Team

Jables: When the fuck are the Australian cricket selectors going to work out that selecting a shit squad won't win you anything?  What am I ranting about I hear you ask.  Well the the Australian squad for the upcoming tour of Sri Lanka of course.  But it's still footy season, you cry.  Yes, yes it is you fucking smart arse.

Anyway here is the team:
Test squad to tour Sri Lanka

Michael Clarke, Captain (30, NSW)
Shane Watson, Vice-captain (30  NSW)
Michael Beer (27, WA)
Trent Copeland (25,  NSW)
Brad Haddin (33, NSW)
Ryan Harris  (31, Qld)
Phillip Hughes  (22, NSW)
Michael Hussey  (36, WA)
Mitchell Johnson (29, WA)
Usman Khawaja  (24, NSW)
Nathan Lyon  (23, SA)
Shaun Marsh (28,  WA)
James Pattinson  (21, Vic)
Ricky Ponting (36, Tas)
Peter Siddle  (26, Vic)
We'll look past the fact that there are 6 NSW players in a squad of 15 and go straight to the burning issue that has plagued our national team for all too long.  Old bastards still in the side.  Hussey and Haddin.  How the heck do they still get a gig in front of better young players?  Paine anyone?  Not to mention they have picked shit house players like Siddle and Harris (also an old bastard).

Quantom: Firstly;

Damn right it's shit. NSW, a state who recently has won titles including fuck and all, manage to be the most represented. States like Victoria, South Australia and of course Tassie keep getting screwed when they have been much more successful. Also I would like to complain about the omission of Ben Hilfenhaus. Why is the Hilf missing? Last time I checked the entire bowling line up was shit during the Ashes. Siddle is shit. Harris will be lucky to be able to walk after one test match. And Mitchell Johnson. Fuck you. Get a new hair cut. At the very least though, at least Pattinson and Copeland are getting a run. Damn the spin stocks look shit though. Also SO DAMN OLD. Leaving Marshy to get back into the team when he's old. Well fuck me dead, why not chuck Brad Hodge in too.

Hilfy has been screwed over by the selectors and unfortunately has lost form due to not being played and getting injured.  Doherty also has been screwed over yet again.  After having to carry the drinks for too long while Steve fucking Smith gets a gig ahead of him and now the selectors are saying Smith isn't ready.  Well fuck me!  I know who is ready.  FUCKING DOHERTY!!!

They might as well bring this guy back if they are going to keep Harris in there:

Mick Lewis was the first bowler to break a century in an ODI. Yet I would prefer him to some of the muppets running around at the moment. Brad Haddin, do the right thing and STEP ASIDE for Tim Paine. The future of Australian cricket depends on it. Every shit innings of 23 runs you make is time Painey could spend developing. He is a better gloveman than you already. 

Also, what happened to that tough edge we used to have? God help us as we now have the two most metrosexual cricketers of ALL TIME as captain and vice-captain. Punter truly is last of the tough nuts. Punter used to get into brawls and cop a few black eyes after being at the Cas. All Clarke wants to do is have arguments with his super model girlfriends. We need to bring back the toughnuts. Get angry. Not shit chirp angry like Mitchell Johnson, let's fucking scare people. Bring back the biff: